My Top 4 Ways to Elminate Second Person Use

I don't know how many times I talk to students about use of second person in writing. From asking students to examine peer texts to circling examples in class myself, the use of second person continues in the next draft. Students seem to replace second person use when it is pointed out, but they don't understand deeply and in an authentic way why use of second person should be avoided. Here are some of my further attempts to eliminate second person use:

First, pass out copies of Merwin's essay "You Are the Second Person" (the full text is at the bottom of the post). I found this essay in Merwin's Book of Fables, but it was printed earlier. Let students discuss Merwin's reasoning for use of second person and what using second person says about the writer. Students can then revisit their work and reflect deeply on how and why they choose the words they do. When they return to class, they need options better than replacing "you" with "one", so here are some questions to ask in conferencing:

1. Can the pronoun be inclusive, turning the "you" to "we"? Merwin believes so. If so, what are the ramifications of making the essay inclusive? Does this allow for an anecdote or personal connection that would strengthen the paper?

2. Can the pronoun be elminiated? Doing so means seriously rewriting the sentence, but sometimes  when doing so, the sentence loses some of the passive voice as well.

3. Usually the second person use appears in the beginning or closing, so can other leads or endings be explored? After showing how use of the second person can be off-putting, giving students examples of strong leads and endings may help.

4. What function does the sentence with second person serve in the paragraph? Asking students to describe the function of the sentence allows you to have conversations about paragraph structure, which can lead to a conversation about better options.

What are some other strategies? I'd love to hear how other people handle this particular issue.
Here is the Merwin essay:

The Second PersonYou are the second person.
You look around for someone else to be the second person. But there is no one else. Even if there were someone else there they could not be you. You try to shelter in imagining that you are plural. It is a dream which the whole of the waking world is trying to remember. It is the orphan’s mother who never lived but is longed for and has been accorded a pronoun that is an echo of your own, since she has no name. Her temple is an arrangement of mirrors. But nothing stays in it. Think how you keep your thoughts to yourself, on your rare visits there. And how quickly you leave.



You are the second person. The words come to you as though they were birds that knew you and had found you at last, but they do not look at you and you never saw them before, you have nowhere to keep them, you have nothing to feed them, they will interfere with your life, you cannot hear yourself, the little claws, meaning no harm, never let you alone, so tame, so confiding. But you know they are not yours. You know they are no one else’s, either. Sometimes between sleeping and waking you really forget that you are the second person. Once again you have embarked, you have arrived, nothing is missing, nothing. The twilight is an infinite reunion. Then a messenger enters looking everywhere for someone. For the second person. Who else?


Made in the image of The Second Person, you never see your face. Even the mirrors show it to you backwards. Dear reader at times imagining in your own defense that I am the second person, I know more about you than I know about myself, but I would not recognize you. For your part, it is true that you do not know your own story. That it has all been given away. That it lies at the bottom of a river where everything joins it but no one owns it. No one admits to it. Why this elusiveness of yours, like that which lives in an animal’s eye? For you have to be found, you are found, I have found you. You make a pathetic effort to disguise yourself in all the affectations of the third person, but you know it is no use. The third person is no one. A convention. Can you never answer happily when you are addressed? Do I want you to?
No, you insist, it is all a mistake, I am the first person. But you know how unsatisfactory that is. And how seldom it is true.
–W. S. Merwin, The Miner’s Pale Children, 1970. Also in his Book of Fables 2007

Burke's Pentad

from: http://doctor-treat.livejournal.com/66987.html

New: See videos applying the pentad at this blog post!

Kenneth Burke's pentad (shown above) takes the simplistic who, what, when, where, why and how to a whole new level. Why? Not only does the pentad answer all of these questions (agency = how and purpose = why), but the lines connecting the aspects of the pentad also represent ratios. The ratios of scene to agent, for example, shows one those two aspects of the pentad limit and shape each other. According to Burke, scene was the main aspect for consideration, as time and place shapes many of the choices and methods available to characters (agents). Burke outlines the pentad in Grammar of Motives, and Blakesley shows how the ratios of the pentad can be used to achieve different perspectives in his Elements of Dramatism. Both are woth reading, and Blakesley is a good introduction to Burke's rhetorical theories in general as the book seems designed for an undergraduate rhetoric course.

My sophomores did a pentad analysis with their outside reading novel. They had to choose two ratios to study in more depth. Also, they had to extend each aspect of the pentad by discussing a type of figurative language or other literary element best revealed through this aspect. For example, types of conflict may fit well under plot while elements of characterization fit well under agent. They enjoyed this project quite a bit, and this allows for quite a bit of differentiation because the students choose the book, the elements, and the ratios. I checked in on their progress at various times, and we practiced using the pentad with short pieces in groups and individually.

The pentad can be used in a short, simple way to analyze a situation or text, but the pentad has ability to encourage students to study each element in a deeper way.

Redshirts

We've played this game as our game of the week a couple of times, but since the blog is new, I'm adding the games before the blog started.

Disclaimer: My husband knows one of the creators of the game.

Redshirts is a game pop culture fans can appreciate. The title of the game stems from the idea that on Star Trek the anonymous crew member with the red shirt usually died. In this game, players try to kill off all their red shirts by sending them out on impossible missions where they cannot succeed. The missions are filled with funny allusions to a variety of pop culture elements. The first person to kill off all redshirts wins. Other players try to prevent this from happening by providing the redshirts with the necessary skills needed to complete the mission successfully (skills include diplomacy, tactical, medical, engineering, etc.).

Thinking-wise, red shirts requires a lot of planning and evaluation including when to aid another person (realizing reprisals may occur because of this), what kind of missions to send, and how to play the cards effectively. Understanding why certain skills are necessary for missions can spark good conversations as well. This game does not take long to play, and our whole family enjoyed it.

Knowing all the pop culture references is not necessary to enjoy the game.

If I still had a sci-fi class I would add this game to one of my weeks immediately. I think the students would love it, and I think it wouls show them that not all missions required shooting to be successful.

Scary Tales

Eric Jensen mentions in many of his works the importance of keeping the brain activity going for all, especially children. In that light, we play games a minimum of once a week that force the children to do some critical thinking. The game of the week this week was Scary Tales. Only two can play at a time unless you buy more sets. Since we have anywhere from 3-6 in the house wanting to play at a time, we bought all three sets. The game pits two fairy tale characters against each other in an attempt to gain as many relics from the tales involved as possible. The person whose relic points total a certain amount first wins.

This game moves very quickly, so quickly, in fact, we changed the rules and played for the highest number of points after the last relic was won. In addition to the strength, wisdom, luck, and magic each player may possess, a fairy can enter the game at any time and give a player an advantage. Dice and Power Cards determine whether or not a player can obtain a relic. Companions, characters from the tales such as the dwarves for Snow White or the cricket for Pinocchio, can also aid a character.

What made this game interesting was not only the fairy tale connections woven throughout the deck but also the thinking process required in each turn. Players must constantly evauate how to make a move, why relics require certain attributes more than others, and what kind of strategy will serve best long-term. Some cards can only be used once, so thinking about the best time to use an advantage requires reasoning. If this all sounds complicated, don't be fooled. The nine year old in the house had us all beat the first time out. We enjoyed this game a lot, and because it does not take long to play, I think it will make the rotation of favorites.

Hello, world!

Welcome to my blog - my first one.
In this blog, I hope to write about things that relate to education in sometimes straightforward and sometimes meandering ways. I've been teaching English / Language Arts for over 10 years in grades 6-12, working with a range from those needing credit recovered to the gifted and talented. I'm also a mother, avid reader, and fan of many things including pop culture, mythology, and finding interesting experiences to share with loved ones.

Enjoy!